Missing You

I am laying here while Dominic sleeps, just thinking about my life. Thinking about how things have turned out, what could have been different. What if after high school, I would have moved to New York to dance. What if, I would have went to college. What if I never would have gone on that date... what if. What would my life be like if Dominic and I have never had to go through all of this? Would I be as happy as all of those pictures of all of my friends with their healthy babies?

There have been many times that I have looked at my life and looked at the lives of others around me and thought, what did I do to deserve this? Why does my baby have to go through all of this?

It's funny because when I first met Aaron, he worked at a youth prison. (he was great at it) He really bonded with those boys, and I have heard some of the best stories from those times. One story that always stuck with me was when he would ask them to do something, and they did a wonderful job, he would tell them how bad they messed up because now, he knew that they could do it.

That's just it. That was the answer that I have looked for. The reason God has chosen Dude and me to go through all of this, is simply because I was the one that "messed up" and showed Him that I could. All of the times I cried myself to sleep and still went about my day. All of the times that I felt alone. And all of the times that people expected me to give up. All of those times that felt so dark... I kept going. The funny thing is, Dominic didn't have a chance to prove that he could do it. He was born with this, he will live with this forever, and yet, he has been the strongest. He has been the one who has fought his way through every single life threatening tragedy. He has lived his little life as if he was just like everyone else.

Now look at him. Every single day, he makes more and more progress. It's like this phase is nothing to him. Yes he gets frustrated when his body isn't working with his brain, but he laughs every single day. He has something smart-ass to say during every conversation. He gets so excited when something new happens, even if it's the littlest thing. Dominic is so amazing.

Even more than all of that, I have met an amazing man that didn't run away when I told him about us. He wasn't scared when I told him that our medical journey wasn't over. In fact, he took Dominic and in and treats him just like his own two kids. It's hard enough to deal with all of this with my own flesh and blood... but to chose this life is unbelievable. Finding someone even remotely decent is hard when you're a single mom, let alone to a child with medical issues.

In short, no matter how many times I look back on my life and think about what could be different, the facts are this. I'm one lucky girl. I have an amazing man that I get to marry. I have an amazing miracle child who teaches me more about life every single day. I have two wonderful step children that I wouldn't know what to do without. I have a family who raised me to be the way I am and I whole bunch of family that I'm not even related to who has also helped to mold me. I may have seen some really hard times, but I wouldn't have changed any of it. Because of those difficulties, I have been able to rejoice in the wonderful things that I have been given also.

Dominic my love, thank you so much for keeping me on my toes. You fed yourself a french fry today, and you would have thought that buzz lightyear came to the hospital and fed it to you! Watching you and your excitement for such little things in life brings more excitement to mine than I could ever explain. I love you, my little angel. Thank you so much for everything you have taught me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

xoxo
-whit