I’m not as strong as you all think I am.
In fact, I’m very weak. My skin tears and my bones are brittle. My eyes fill with tears and my heart aches.
I have been living through the strength of others for so long now, that I have forgotten how to be strong for myself. I have, for so long, been lifted that I’ve forgotten how get up on my own.
Who’s fault is this? No ones. I am just broken in every sense of the word.
So here we are 2012. Here I stand, staring at this new beginning, and I’m so blind that I can’t even see the path that I’m standing on.
2011 was filled with so many… things. So many ups and downs and side to sides. I’m sorry to say that I’m very glad to say goodbye to this year.
Isn’t it funny when you look at people? People who clean houses, rarely keep their own house. Football coaches usually weren’t the star player at their high school. People who repair, rarely fix themselves or their surroundings. I could really use some of my own advice at times. This would be a good example of that.
During my entire stay at the hospital with Dominic, I was strong for everyone because that’s what I thought I needed to do. I kept it together so that everyone else wouldn’t worry… and now here I am.
I leave you with this letter I wrote to the coming year. I hope the best for everyone in this coming year. We all deserve bigger and better with each passing year. We each deserve happiness and abundance. Where do you find yours?
I come to you broken and bruised. I’m sorry I couldn’t start our relationship off on a better foot, but here I am. I am raw and truthful. I am full of love with a thick barricade of thorns surrounding it all. I’m sorry that I come to you so calloused and some what cold. I’m not exactly ready or deserving of such a fresh start, but I’m going to take it and accept what you bring me. I promise you very little, but that promise is this: I am going to learn. I am going to learn through everything that has made me hurt and by the day that you and I say goodbye I will be an entirely new person. I am going to be healed; I am going to help and I’m going to love like I never have before. I have a lot to give and I hope and pray that I am open enough to do just that. Please be kind to me, 2012. Please be forgiving for I am once again a child in your arms. I will need a lot of comfort. I will probably need a lot of guidance and patience. Please be patient with me, I beg of you! I’m going to make more mistakes and I will probably hurt a few a long the way, but don’t give up on me. I will forever try harder. There is an amazing person underneath it all and if you stick around long enough, I will share. I will share all that I am and all that I have. 2012, please be kind to me.
If you are hurting or struggling in any way, please feel free to email me. We can and will get through this together. I will share my secrets and hope to learn some new ones. firstname.lastname@example.org