a day in the life of us

I know I have been saying that I would post on here for a while, but to be honest, being on the computer was the last thing on my mind. So for that I apologize.

I won't lie, when I am asked the question, how are you doing. I'm exhausted. Because of that, I have done nothing but get frustrated, cry, yell, cry, and work really hard to be happy. Did I mention cry?? The funny thing is that I'm not sad, I'm not scared, just strictly exhausted. Actually, I don't feel anything at all about surgery. To me this is just another step in life. The most worrisome part of this whole adventure is that now I have a family other than Dude and I. Now I have 3 other people who need and use me every single day and I have to leave them all behind for what could be 2 months. I won't be there for the first day of school. I won't be there for Alaina's 8th birthday. I won't see Toren's first football game. I won't be there to make sure they are eating good or drinking enough water. I can't answer the stupid questions that kids come up with or yell at them for drinking milk out of the carton. I won't be able to do Alaina's hair. All of these things that I'm going to miss, run through my head over and over and over. [BIG BREATH] Everything is going to work out fine and in the end, this will just be an blink of time. I will see so many more of these things than I will miss, but it's still hard. 

We got here Monday night at midnight... It felt like the longest drive ever! Dominic did great, he just slept like he always does. I tried my hardest to stay awake with Aaron. I succeeded but it was HARD! Yesterday we arrived at the hospital at 7:45 for pre-op appointments. We were told it would be quick since we are here all the time and within the last couple of months they did all of the tests we would need, other than an EKG and vitals. We ended up being there until 2:30 in the afternoon, talking with nurses and hematologists and getting blood samples and ultrasounds of his arteries in his legs..... [breath] We made it. We had a wonderful dinner with all of my friends that are here to help support. The cheesecake factory was wonderful and I think we all over ate a little bit.

So now here we are. We have been at Doernbecher since 6am and they took him back at 8am. The actual surgery started at 9:30 and that it will take about 5 and a half hours. The nurse called me to tell me that everything is going beautifully and that they were getting ready to start but she said "Whitney, I have to tell you that right before he went to sleep he said to me 'I want my mommy' and I told him that you will be waiting for him in his room when he gets done. He laid there with a big ol' smile on his face until he was asleep". She also said that about every hour and a half she will give me updates. Chances are, I won't be updating every time she calls, but if something important comes up, I will let everyone know.

For the past weeks, I have been talking to Dude about all of this. I ask him how he feels, is he nervous... he just said that he was excited to not get shots and that he gets to take a really long nap. But then this morning happened and you could tell that he was a little uneasy about things. The nurse gave him a drug that helps you relax and forget. When you are in a good mood, it will make you really happy, however, if you aren't then it will accelerate whatever mood you are in. Everyone thinks that I'm this super strong woman, but when it took my 5 year old a big dose of medicine to let his guard down, it was a big wake up call of who the strong one was.

Dominic my love, I'm so proud of you. Because of you, I have learned so much about life and love. You are stronger and braver than any grown man. You are more loving than the most nurturing person. I love you with all of my heart and I'm so excited to see you when you get done!

-whit