Saturday, February 19, 2011

Be Strong for Him

Bed rest wasn't all that bad. Besides the fact that I was stuck in a trailer, in Portland, and the only thing around me was bucket truck after bucket truck. See, the company my dad worked for at the time donated a spot in the middle of the "yard" where they keep all of their equipment. Needless to say, there wasn't much to do but rest.

April 8th, I can't sleep. I have heartburn so bad that I can't even drink water! I'm getting anxious about the next day. This was it. This was the last night I wouldn't be a mom. Of course, my mind was flooded with thoughts of good and bad. I'm nervous about labor, I'm excited to see my baby and hold him. I'm scared of what he might look like. (The doctors warned me that he would be blue)I'm so afraid of needles and I wanted that epidural but that was one HUGE needle! I finally got to sleep but the whole next day, I'm pacing. This is it, we were going to get some answers soon and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to hear what they were. As of right now, Dominic is safe in my womb and his little heart abnormality doesn't affect him.

At midnight I arrived at OHSU and at 2 I was induced. (at 12:01 I announced that I wanted that epidural and I want it sooner than later so don't try to talk me out of it! haha) I'm cracking jokes, and laughing with my family. I got some sleep, listened to Monster Ballads,(If you don't know what that is, google it. Best CD I've ever owned!) and started realizing that this was it. Every time I looked up, there were at least five new people in my room. I had everyone from doctors and nurses to specialists and med students. Everyone was ready for whatever it was that we were about to discover. At 4:20 in the afternoon, he took his first breath. I was fully prepared to wait to see my baby because no one knew how long he would survive on his own; so he cried and was rushed out of the room. Miracle number two happened shortly after when I was caught off guard by one of the doctors that I didn't know. She said, "You have 15 minutes" and she handed my beautiful little boy. He wasn't blue, or any abnormal color for that matter. He was a beautiful shade of pink and he had my blond hair, and my dad's fingers. I had, for the first time in my life, fallen in love. True, unconditional love.

I didn't get to see him for another couple of hours. There were tests and scans and echo cardiograms that were scheduled immediately. He was only a few hours old and he was the busiest person I knew. (He gets that from his mom :)) But those tests answered many questions that the doctors had, and a plan soon started to form.
I spent the rest of my night staring at him in his own perfect little incubator from the rocking chair. I couldn't believe what I was looking at. How is it even possible that the baby that I was looking at and so head over heals in love with, how can he look so perfect and beautiful on the outside, be so imperfect on the inside. I kissed every part of him that I could and I prayed. I prayed that my little boy would be safe in the night, and I prayed that I would make it through all of this; I prayed for the strength and courage for this long and winding road ahead of us. It had just begun.

1 comment:

  1. holy hell, i'm gonna cry every time you post something, aren't i? when emmett was born he wasn't breathing, an aweful shade of blue, and was immediately taken out of the room before i could see him. i didn't get to see him for almost 24 hours. it is the worst feeling a mother can go through, not seeing her baby, not knowing what was wrong. my mind raced to scary movie style "are they going to steel my baby? are they going to switch my baby with someone elses?" it was nuts. P.S. i l.o.v.e. monstar ballads. I'm a giant 80s dork!