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I’m not that strong

I’m not as strong as you all think I am.

In fact, I’m very weak. My skin tears and my bones are brittle. My eyes fill with tears and my heart aches.

I have been living through the strength of others for so long now, that I have forgotten how to be strong for myself. I have, for so long, been lifted that I’ve forgotten how get up on my own.

Who’s fault is this? No ones. I am just broken in every sense of the word.

So here we are 2012. Here I stand, staring at this new beginning, and I’m so blind that I can’t even see the path that I’m standing on.

2011 was filled with so many… things. So many ups and downs and side to sides.  I’m sorry to say that I’m very glad to say goodbye to this year.

Isn’t it funny when you look at people? People who clean houses, rarely keep their own house. Football coaches usually weren’t the star player at their high school. People who repair, rarely fix themselves or their surroundings. I could really use some of my own advice at times. This would be a good example of that.

During my entire stay at the hospital with Dominic, I was strong for everyone because that’s what I thought I needed to do. I kept it together so that everyone else wouldn’t worry… and now here I am.

I leave you with this letter I wrote to the coming year. I hope the best for everyone in this coming year. We all deserve bigger and better with each passing year. We each deserve happiness and abundance. Where do you find yours?

 

Dear 2012,

I come to you broken and bruised. I’m sorry I couldn’t start our relationship off on a better foot, but here I am. I am raw and truthful. I am full of love with a thick barricade of thorns surrounding it all. I’m sorry that I come to you so calloused and some what cold. I’m not exactly ready or deserving of such a fresh start, but I’m going to take it and accept what you bring me. I promise you very little, but that promise is this: I am going to learn. I am going to learn through everything that has made me hurt and by the day that you and I say goodbye I will be an entirely new person. I am going to be healed; I am going to help and I’m going to love like I never have before. I have a lot to give and I hope and pray that I am open enough to do just that. Please be kind to me, 2012. Please be forgiving for I am once again a child in your arms. I will need a lot of comfort. I will probably need a lot of guidance and patience. Please be patient with me, I beg of you! I’m going to make more mistakes and I will probably hurt a few a long the way, but don’t give up on me. I will forever try harder. There is an amazing person underneath it all and if you stick around long enough, I will share. I will share all that I am and all that I have. 2012, please be kind to me.

xoxo

-whitney leigh

If you are hurting or struggling in any way, please feel free to email me. We can and will get through this together. I will share my secrets and hope to learn some new ones.  whitfitz.wf@live.com

-with love

I’m Still Workin On It

It has been one crazy week here at my house. Of course Christmas time is like that at everyone's house. So far, it's been such a happy time. I look forward to sharing more with you when I get a minute to sit down and change my blog. I'm
REALLY excited to share all of the changes that are coming soon. I've done a lot of internal changes and I think it only necessary that I show it through the wonderful blessing that is YOU! I can't wait to share everything with you all; all of the things I'm learning on this new journey, all of the great tricks that have been shown to me.. EVERYTHING. I just can't wait. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! Have a very safe New Years and I will see you with my new blog up and running SOON!

 

xoxo

whitney leigh

that’s just the way it is…

It has been so long since I have posted on here. It’s almost amazing to me how long it has taken me to get the guts up to even log in!
When we got home in October, my life went berserk! I mean, sitting in the hospital with Dude and helping him there was a struggle… but only until I got home and had to do it all on my own! The last two months have been so concentrated with events and love as well as drama and some of the lowest lows I’ve seen.
The good news is this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can see it so clearly.
Through my journey I have struggled with my faith. Of course I have some, but I have been battling myself with it. I have tried so hard to just trust in the Lord to keep me strong but this whole time, I haven’t fully given up control. Until now.
A couple of days ago, I told my mom, “I think this is what rock bottom feels like” and in that same moment, the fog lifted and I saw blue skies. I spent a little while drowning in my own tears, but that’s what it took for me to let go. As strong as everyone has told me that they think I am, you’re only as strong as your relationship with the Lord, and mine was only mediocre.
I spent a good portion of my night last night talking to one of my very best friends, and it’s because of him and his courage that I have this new found excitement about God. His courage and strength to see the other side of the fence has brought me great pain… and great clarification at the same time.
It’s funny because people say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I’m living proof that God gives you enough to realize that you need Him in your life to help you along the way. It’s easy to handle even the most trying times and even death when you have Him to lift you up and take on your troubles.
I have a WONDERFUL support system in my friends and family for when I lose my way. I pray that my situation can inspire others and show them the truth of pure happiness. I hope that in my journey to forgiveness, happiness, faith and all things good… that maybe you all will benefit also.

NOW, with that said.. I am going to be working on my blog a little bit. Of course I will be keeping my updates on Dominic (who is doing SO fantastic) but will also include some of my knowledge of the beauty world, and some of my new findings on faith, health, food, and all things home-y. I am so excited about this new beginning, and I can’t wait to share it all with you!
Thank you all for being there for me and giving me the safety net that you have become. I have friends made of pure gold!
I’m back and we are going to make this life, the best one.
xoxo
-whitney leigh

oh how I look up to you

Dr. Laurie Armsby and Dude 10/20/2011

Lately, I haven't felt very... into blogging. There's only so much talking about yourself and your family that you can put up with. Not to mention, I feel like things are so monotonous and there's not much to write about. Dominic keeps progressing and his spirits are so... well...  Dominic. It's so nice to have him "back". He's the talk of the floor! (Which is what I'm so used to) He's broken just about every one of the nurses hearts because he won't let them take the place of his girlfriends, Taryn and Medow. The guys on the floor think he's so rad and they all invite him to talk shop with them and flirt with the nurses :) It seems as if life is how it should be.

Today we went back to OHSU for some follow ups on his lungs and what not. It was the best feeling when Dude ...walked... into Dr. Armsby's office to surprise her. She hugged him like he was her own and it brought tears to my eyes. It was the most touching reunion. She was so strong when we found out about his strokes and she is always so great about being up front and honest with me. She didn't look scared and she didn't seem worried at the time... but she sure looked excited and relieved for us. All of his tests came back GREAT. His surgery is holding up really well, and his lungs are doing great.

I think I have a date for our Lanterns. And I think I have a good reason to pick this date. I will share more about it later but for now.. if you are going to order them... order them; and, if you're going to make them.. start making them. I really hope that everyone shows up to send their thanks for answered prayers. Not only will it look amazing to see all of these lanterns in the sky, but I know it will show Dominic, just how many people love him and have been praying for him through all of this.
I ordered mine through www.justartifacts.net/ and they are under 2.00. If you have friends that want to order, I would suggest ordering them together, or you can always email me {whitfitz.wf@gmail.com} and we can order them all together.

I really feel as if I'm being pressed to do something big with the situation I've been dealt. I sort of always have felt this way, but lately, it's stronger than ever. I hope that after Dude is all healed up, you continue to follow us and support us as this is not the end of our journey. Big things will come of this, and we will be asking for your help and your prayers again. :) I can't thank you enough for sticking with us this far! I have been blessed and so has Dude.

with love,
Whitney