I’m not as strong as you all think I am.
In fact, I’m very weak. My skin tears and my bones are brittle. My eyes fill with tears and my heart aches.
I have been living through the strength of others for so long now, that I have forgotten how to be strong for myself. I have, for so long, been lifted that I’ve forgotten how get up on my own.
Who’s fault is this? No ones. I am just broken in every sense of the word.
So here we are 2012. Here I stand, staring at this new beginning, and I’m so blind that I can’t even see the path that I’m standing on.
2011 was filled with so many… things. So many ups and downs and side to sides. I’m sorry to say that I’m very glad to say goodbye to this year.
Isn’t it funny when you look at people? People who clean houses, rarely keep their own house. Football coaches usually weren’t the star player at their high school. People who repair, rarely fix themselves or their surroundings. I could really use some of my own advice at times. This would be a good example of that.
During my entire stay at the hospital with Dominic, I was strong for everyone because that’s what I thought I needed to do. I kept it together so that everyone else wouldn’t worry… and now here I am.
I leave you with this letter I wrote to the coming year. I hope the best for everyone in this coming year. We all deserve bigger and better with each passing year. We each deserve happiness and abundance. Where do you find yours?
Dear 2012,
I come to you broken and bruised. I’m sorry I couldn’t start our relationship off on a better foot, but here I am. I am raw and truthful. I am full of love with a thick barricade of thorns surrounding it all. I’m sorry that I come to you so calloused and some what cold. I’m not exactly ready or deserving of such a fresh start, but I’m going to take it and accept what you bring me. I promise you very little, but that promise is this: I am going to learn. I am going to learn through everything that has made me hurt and by the day that you and I say goodbye I will be an entirely new person. I am going to be healed; I am going to help and I’m going to love like I never have before. I have a lot to give and I hope and pray that I am open enough to do just that. Please be kind to me, 2012. Please be forgiving for I am once again a child in your arms. I will need a lot of comfort. I will probably need a lot of guidance and patience. Please be patient with me, I beg of you! I’m going to make more mistakes and I will probably hurt a few a long the way, but don’t give up on me. I will forever try harder. There is an amazing person underneath it all and if you stick around long enough, I will share. I will share all that I am and all that I have. 2012, please be kind to me.
xoxo
-whitney leigh
If you are hurting or struggling in any way, please feel free to email me. We can and will get through this together. I will share my secrets and hope to learn some new ones. whitfitz.wf@live.com
-with love
I just wanted to say that I love you, Whitney. You were one of the minority who hung in there with us when things went down the tubes at the studio back in 1996-ish...those were some of the hardest days for me: watching 15-20 people in my life (people I'd trusted and had friendships with) walk away.
ReplyDeleteBut you, your parents, and a few others, believed in us, and stuck by us. Things were tough for a long time. But soon, out of the ashes arose something beautiful: strength, courage, confidence that we could withstand anything with God's direction and hope.
I learned that through the fire, we are refined. Had I never gone through that, I would never be the woman I am today...surrounded by the real people who love me without reserve.
And...you were such a bright light in Production all those years...I could always count on Whitney to make me laugh !! You are struggling right now, and it is so hard to see beyond pain. But hold on, Whitney...just hold on.
Through my toughest times, I have held tightly to this one verse for courage and hope: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.." Isaiah 41:10
Mostly, I want you to know that I believe in you. I'm so proud of the loving, generous, mindful woman you have become. I truly believe that blessings you can't even imagine are just around the corner in your life. xo Karen
God is good, and you are NOT alone. HE will listen anytime, anywhere, to anything you want to tell HIM. HE knows you and designed you. HE has a plan for your life to make you into the woman that will shine HIM, pouring out to all those around you. HE can give you perfect peace in the middle of a storm, and HE can get the glory. You are on the right path, let HIM light your way. HE has put others in your life to encourage you and love on you. HE has you in HIS HANDS, there is no better place to be.
ReplyDeleteProverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; lean NOT on your own understanding. Seek HIS will in all you do, and HE will show you which path to take.