Friday, April 26, 2019

April 24, 25, 27, 28...

Today, I feel super... well... bratty is the only word I can think of to describe it. No amount of logic can make me feel any better. I want to lay on the ground and kick my feet and wail as loudly as I possibly can. That's how I feel.

I don't want to celebrate my birthday. In fact, I would be perfectly happy if this year we went from April 25th to April 27th. I would have been satisfied with that. And maybe, we could even just have April 10th and April 26th in the middle of some random month and Dominic and I can celebrate together when things are different. But reality says no.

I feel so stupid actually saying those things out loud, and to be honest, I'm so incredibly thankful, grateful and blessed to be on so many people's minds today. Well, and everyday too! I feel honored even. But still, my bratty side keeps showing her ugly face. I just imagine my chid like self, face smeared with cake and my arms folded and my face scrunched up. lol... I know I still make that face as an adult but I like to think of my bratty self being 5. It seems more acceptable that way, ya know?

As we speak, Dominic is getting his tracheostomy. I'm so excited to see his little face. I'm excited to kiss his lips and for that straw to come out of his throat. I'm excited to be able to move him around a bit more and to go on walks. This will be so good for him. It will be good for me too. My momma heart misses being able to just pick him up when he's hurting. Of course, in true Dominic fashion, right before they were going to take him down, he started to act up and the docs almost said no... not today. My PTSD (ohhhhh yes... I have that lol) went a little nutty and I had to calm myself down. I wasn't scared. I didn't have bad feelings about it, but the devil sure knows when to strike. So now, we wait. It's a short procedure, and I'll get to see him soon enough.

In all seriousness, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the birthday wishes for me and for dude; for all of the prayers, well wishes, good thoughts... all of it. There's nothing like having a good support system and I feel like my family and I have the best. It's amazing to see people from all parts of my life, messaging me, bringing my kids dinners, sending us cards. I hope that I can repay each and every one of you for the way you make me feel. Please accept this thank you from the very bottom of my soul. 

Love to you all,

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